I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
