blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Panties = found
Randomize
