Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
