Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
