Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
