i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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