So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
