He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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