I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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