guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
