saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
