4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
