3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
