I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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