38 yer olds are good kisserssss
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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