Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
