TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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