I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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