I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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