Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
