i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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