You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
