was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
