I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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