I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
