My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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