Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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