Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
