I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
