Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
