So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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