I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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