My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
