moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
