I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
