i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't think brook has ever known best
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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