sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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