I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
