I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
