Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
