My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
