Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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