My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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