Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
