She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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