I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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