I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
