Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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