I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
