there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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