I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
