My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
